Behind A Mask by Louisa May Alcott

I always thought audio books were not for me but I did see a lot of friends really appreciate and enjoy audiobooks that I thought of giving it a try. I love classics and found the audiobook- Behind A Mask on the Podcast app.

The Book:

I had previously read Little Women and its sequels by Louisa May Alcott and loved them. I had never heard of this book before but thought it was something similar to Little Women. However, it is quite different. The book is inspired from some personal experience of the writer.

The story begins with the arrival of Jean Muir, a poor governess to a teenage girl in the Coventry household.  At the very beginning of the story itself, the writer indicates that Jean has an ulterior motive for taking up the job with the Coventrys. She soon wins hearts of everyone in the household except for Gerald, who has his suspicions about her; Lucia who is jealous of her many skills and also worried that she might be trying to charm her fiancé  Gerald and Dean, Lucia's maid. Over a period of  time she also wins over Gerald but he was not the prize she was eyeing. You need to read/listen to the book to know more. There are several other important characters in the book who contribute actively to the development of the story- Edward (Gerald's brother), John (Uncle of Gerald), Mrs. Coventry (Gerald's mother), Bella- the teenage sister of Gerald, whose care and education was Jean Muir's primary responsibility as a governess.

The story seems to have a setting in the Victorian era where a lot of emphasis on the appropriateness of behaviour of men and women was given. The descriptions of the lifestyle followed by the Coventrys also gives an indication that the story was probably set in the Victorian age.

I enjoyed the story a lot but had I been the writer, I would demonstrate Jean Muir's intentions and reality only in the end. The revelation comes too early in the story. However, the ending is not as I expected where good prevails over evil. If I were to rate the book on a scale of 1-5, I would rate it 4/5 for the aforementioned reason.

The Audiobook Experience

I did not know what to expect. I downloaded the Audible app by Amazon and here, the reading of some of the books I chose to sample were done either by the writers themselves or some celebrities. However, in the podcast app, it was neither the writer nor a celebrity. The experience may not be the same for Audible and Podcast. I have summarised my experience below solely based on the Podcast app:

-  The reading was quite fluent and since it was a podcast, split into several weekly episodes. Luckily for me, the reading of the entire book was already done, so, I was able to listen to all the episodes one after another.
- A brief introduction to the writer and a bit of background to the story was provided before the actual reading, which was quite interesting for someone like me who usually dives in straight to the story.
- Jean Muir seems to have come from France but the reader seemed to forget it. Some of her dialogues are in French accent, while others are not.
- While reading, I find myself more focussed and rapt but while listening, I found myself zoning in and out sometimes or distracted several times by something or the other, as, I listened to the whole book during my commute to work. I think I have to get used to listening to a reading.
- It felt nice to be read to after a long time and the reader did a fairly good job. Following this book, I tried having a reading of another book by another reader but it sounded so dull that I could not bear it for long and had to close it prematurely.
- While reading, we often know how certain words or certain not-so-common names are spelt but not necessarily the sound of it. While listening, you may hear the words/names and not really know how they are written- this is from another book I chose, not this one.
- It really helps one keep themselves constructively occupied during a long commute or even in sickness when you feel like reading but the activity may seem strenuous- this comes in handy.
- While reading a conventional book, I sometimes re-read some impressive pages or passages over and over again by simply bookmarking them. It is difficult to do this in the podcast app. I have not tried it in Audible.
- I liked the experience but cannot say I loved it. I probably need to read more (or must I say listen to more) to love the experience.

P.S: I hope you liked the original artwork on this post :-).

Workforce Moms- An Interview with 4 Amazing Moms

I am very excited about this week's blog as it is in collaboration with 4 lovely ladies who are a part of the workforce while being moms. I know many women do not like to be referred to as working mothers or workforce moms. I would probably also not like it. However, I am using the terminology in this blog with the sole intent of distinguishing between the women who have not chosen to be a part of the workforce and those who have chosen to be a part of it. While I say this, I would like to show all the ladies who prefer to be stay at home moms, my greatest respect as I am well aware of the challenges they face.

I write this blog in the view of the International Women's Day that just went by on 08MAR2018. For me, International Women's Day is a mark of achievements that women have made with respect to parity in pay and opportunities. Just 2 years back, women in some countries were not even "allowed" to drive or vote. This year, we are aware of at least one country which has recognised the contributions a woman can make to the society and have amended their laws to make this possible. I know there are still quite a few issues related to women that needs to be addressed, so I do understand why many women chose to "uncelebrate" Women's day. However, I request them to please also celebrate the progress made related to some of the women's issues as well and also "uncelebrate",  but not in a manner that could hurt the sentiments of other women- for example, a victim of acid attack who wants to celebrate her life returning to normalcy using the platform of International Women's Day.

Now, back to the collaboration with the 4 lovely women- These moms discuss their challenges and support mechanisms that enabled them to pursue their career. Please do note that the views that they have expressed in this blog is completely their own and are not of their employers/institutions.

Let us have a quick round of introduction before the discussion begins:

Malabika Maulik (MM): a post-grad student pursuing a PhD in US who is also a mother to a 3 year old boy.

Hiya Mukherjee (HM): a clinical research professional based in India who is also a mother to a 4 year old boy.

Deepti Vimal (DV): a doctor by qualification, working in a healthcare organisation, based in India, who is also a mom to a beautiful 3 year old girl

Kavita Shenoy (KS): a bank professional based in India is a mom to a 20s something son and a teenage daughter

This is what they had to say about some of the questions posed to them:

Did you face any insecurities related to your career in view of your pregnancy/maternity during or before your maternity leave? If yes, what were they and how did you deal with it? If no, how did you manage to stay confident?

MM: I was a second year graduate PhD student when I conceived. Honestly I never faced insecurity related my career during my pregnancy. My insecurities were mostly related to how am I going to react to this big change in life. However, after the baby was born I was facing lot of emotional problems and episodes of memory loss. I felt that I won’t be able to cope with the immense pressure of graduate studies. I was appearing for my qualifying exams which is mandatory to pass to qualify for the final defense . Moreover, I didn’t have any maternity leave. However, thanks to my understanding advisor and supporting spouse and friends, I was always able to work around with a very flexible schedule. I was very lucky to give birth in a place with relatively less prejudices on childbirth and post pregnancy life. Here it is very normal for women to carry on with their normal lives after delivering a baby.

HM: No. I had a good discussion about my development plan with my manager what I would be responsible for before I started my ML. The transition was already planned how we would manage upon my return.

DV: No, not at all. I feel extremely lucky to work with a manager who always appreciated my hard work. While I was carrying, never ever a thought of insecurity came into my mind. To further add to my confidence, I was promoted during my maternity leave. I still remember when I had received call from my manager informing about my promotion. It was a pleasant surprise and quite motivational too!

KS: No. My superiors had trust on the quality of work and the honesty with which I perform I did not
have any insecurity pertaining to my career before or after my ML. It is also true that when a lady
proceeds on Maternity Leave of 6 long months that creates an obvious uneasiness in the minds of
superiors as the work gets hampered. Hence the boss tries to transfer her to some other not so
important department fearing frequent availing of child care leave even after her rejoining.

Many Indian women are often criticised for focussing on their career and not show the expected level of care to the child. This may not be true but th criticism exists.  Have you faces such criticism and how do/did you deal with it?

MM: Well I didn’t face any criticism for that. But I didn’t have any success with breastfeeding. We tried a lot and there was immense support from public health officials. We ultimately found out that my son was ‘tongue tied ‘ and needed an operation to fix it. But people kept on telling me how important it is to breastfeed as it would make him smarter, stronger and protect him against diseases ( all true!). But I was not able to neither naturally nor by Breast pumping ( took awefully long time and I disliked it ). So well I received my bit of criticism on that part.


HM: Yes criticism does exist in society. What is needed is strong support from your spouse/partner. I have faced it myself and the best thing to do is to ignore such talks and stick on what you are doing.  Both as a mother and at work.
And also be open about your limitation
Set the expectation at work that you may not be able to work long hours everyday or take late calls
And at home you tell the extended family members that while at work you may not be able to attend to everyone their concern unless it's an emergency for the child...
Then set clear responsibility with spouse and manage accordingly

KS: I strongly believe that in comparison with western countries for Indian mothers their child
acquires prime place and their career next. Hence the Sanskrit adage ‘Kuputhro Bhavathi, Kumatha
Na Bhavathi.” Yes, since I live in a small city when I rejoined after my Maternity leave my neighbours openly called me stone-hearted and started sympathising the toddler. But believe me, later they changed their opinion and started appreciating me for the way I was striking a balance between my career and childcare. I used to spend maximum time with the children once I am back office and on all the holidays playing with them and helping them out in their studies and school projects.

DV: Expected level of care may differ from person to person. I have never faced criticism on face, but yes, I have received those eye brow raising reactions or sympathy filled reactions (of course for my daughter), when they come to know that my daughter goes to full-day creche. I feel I am giving my daughter the best care I can, which any nuclear family with both working parents will.

How do you deal with providing care and cater to the needs of your child while there are critical deadlines and work situations that require your time and attention?

HM: Sharing responsibility with spouse/partner for child care... at work, set expectation, share workload and delegate as needed
It's a challenge to manage both.. So only committ after knowing how much you can do

KS: I sought help my counterpart i.e my husband to obtain leave and support the child. But when my son wanted my moral support during his board exams I convinced my boss and got the leave sanctioned. But on the days of his exam I used to go to the office, sometimes half-a-day to handle work situations even during my sanctioned leave.

DV: I try my best not to bring work to home, but in times of those work related unavoidable critical situations, I have extremely supportive and understanding husband who takes care of my daughter and her needs.

MM:   Me and my husband worked in shifts to take care of the kid. Also I am blessed with a great daycare and a great set of friends who have never let us down in taking care of the kiddo in case we both have deadlines to meet.

What kind of policies/laws do you think would help bring more mothers into the workforce or make it easy for already working mothers?

DV: Policies like working from home, flexible working hours, six working hours from 6th month of pregnancy, flexibility of leaving office space early after joining post maternity leaves, and creche facility are the policies which make it easy for working mothers.

MM: I think there are policies like paid maternity leave. There should also be policies like paternity leave so that both spouses can spend equal time in taking care of the child. This will also give some respite to the new mother. Also, there is a lot to do with the mindset of the people. A mother wants to work not because she doesn’t like her children, because she wants to be equally empowered and accountable to meet the needs of the family.

HM: Flexi hours work best along with existing WFH policies.. Laws are a little too much 😊 but more than policies and laws it's the awareness amongst managers that helps best to support a working mother .. So creating sensitivity awareness and making the managers empathetic will work better than policies and laws.

KS: All the problems I faced is related to leave sanction. Hence I feel Ladies should be given preference over male colleagues while sanctioning leave. Sorry Sir/s, I think you agree with me that a woman has to play diversified roles. Hence the preference. Apart from this I don’t expect any women-oriented policies because they are often misused. Again when we talk of Equality for Women we don’t have right to demand more.

Did the thought of quitting your job ever cross your mind? How did you deal with such it?

HM: For me it was not an option as I knew I had to work to support my family. But it sometimes does cross people's mind and then it's again how the manager empathizes and provides different options to manage

KS: Yes. Since I did not have any elders at home I thought of leaving the job at that juncture. Leaving the child in the hands of a governess used to bring nightmares. Finally I convinced my trustworthy maid to be a part-time care taker. True to my expectations she took care of the child very well. I am into a transferable job where getting a place of one’s choice and getting relieved from the place of earlier posting include inter connected processes. During such times also I wanted to quit my job. But when I stopped thinking through my heart and started thinking through my brain I have always realised that Organisation also has some policies in dealing with such issues and patient waiting from employees side is the only solution for that.

DV: Yes, there were some situations when i thought of quitting my job, but then I always feel apart from financial stability, being in a job also gives you your own identity. In spite of being in different roles including mother, one should not forget own identity.

MM: No I never felt like quitting my job. I felt like giving up on my studies for sure but a lot of people told me that I should not give up because once we have children the responsibilities increases exponentially with time. So there will no more ‘right times’in our lives to do stuff.

What kind of a support system would help or make it wasy for parents to have successful careers and a good family life? Can one have it all?

KS: Best support system is one’s family. Your family is "your" family. To some extent an understanding and humane boss also will play an important role in shaping your career. But the company/ Organisation should not be gender-biased. All employees should be treated equal.

MM: Supportive spouses and understanding in laws. I know some of my friends just had to quit because spouses are indifferent Or they are been shamed for putting children in daycare or even in laws have said that they are not ready to be nanny because of the mother should have the ‘fun’ of motherhood !!There are also some cases when mother had to quit because she genuinely couldn’t find good care for her kids. Having said all that, It’s very hard to strike a balance. We can only try !!!

DV: Whatever works best for the situation or a particular family, be it kids growing up under observation of their grandparents or kids staying in day care, of course one can't deny the advantages of being with grandparents.

HM: It's difficult to do it all at one go. It's has to be phased out.... there is no best support system per say... staying with in-laws has it's pros and cons.. having a maid also has the same.. similarly not staying with in-laws and no maid support has it's pros and cons..  we have to adjust in the situation we are by balancing everything right. But companies providing creche/day care facility or with their flexi policies and well trained managers are the best support system a working mother can have... every child is different.. So the kind of support system needed may vary from parents to parents

How do you manage to make time for doing things you enjoy?

HM: Take a break.. don't feel guilty when you are having some fun... again partner/spouse plays a big role... discuss and agree that a particular day of the week or month is your day.. to hang out with friends.. or go to a spa or salon...whatever one wishes. The most important thing is to disengage your thoughts and enjoy the moment.. and DON'T FEEL GUILTY..

DV: As previously mentioned, I have an extremely supportive husband who takes care of my daughter while I am busy doing things which I love :)

MM: I don’t have time at this moment. As I said it’s very hard to balance there are some hits and misses. But, I am hoping to learn new sport like swimming which will involve both my son and me.

KS: By skipping my sleep. Since I belong to old school of thought I sometimes feel guilty if I take space for myself. I feel I am stealing my family’s time. Hence I sit late in the night for doing something I enjoy and keep myself lively. But now that children are grown up I involve them by taking their suggestions and help. They feel elated when their mother bags a prize in small competitions. Just like how we expect our children to be the toppers they also expect something from their mothers.

Final Thoughts:

MM: Please do not judge ‘working mothers’. Being a mother is not easy. Every person has their share of difficulties. There are reasons why she would or would not chose to work. Respect them. Mothers are often lauded as ‘ superhumans’ but end of the day they are Humans made of flesh, blood, tears and emotions.

KS: To sum up, Motherhood is a great experience. Childcare requires a little amount of perseverance and patience. Where there is a will there is a way. If handled wisely one will not find it difficult. Career growth and Family can definitely go hand in hand.

HM: When  we were kids our parents did not have so many media to get trained on best parenting skills.. they either learnt from their parents or in-laws or some relative and friend.. they were allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.. but for this generation parents because of too many teaching media (social media mostly) there are just too many floating advices and the expectation from parents are too high. So, there is a lot of pressure in how you bring up a kid from many sources... including schools conducting parenting classes... and any mistake made is sometimes blown out of proportion. Like any other experience and skill, parenting should also be allowed at times to make mistakes and then learn and not be made into a social ridicule by circulating in social media

Personally for me, it was a great experience to go through these discussions. I think there are some useful tips in case one is looking for them. Hope you enjoyed going through this discussion, as much as I did. 

I am Not There Yet...- A Short Story

I write in this diary today with great emotion and a heavy heart. 
It all feels like yesterday. I still have a vivid memory of the day I graduated from college. I had always been an average student. I was so happy to have made it through college. My brother thought of me to be very special and congratulated me with an expensive set of pens. I decided to use them when I became somebody in life.

Nobody had any expectations from me. I got myself a poorly paying job. I was ashamed to tell people how much I made, but made an unshakable resolve to earn enough to proudly tell people my salary and be an object of envy. I soon found such a job. I considered writing with my prized pens but...I was not there yet.

I did not want to take my well-paying job for granted and put in my heart and soul and in a short time, became a manager of big team. I thought of using my beautiful pens now, but, I had only become a manager and had to prove myself in the role to be worthy of writing with my special pens.

I continued to persevere at work, and in a few years became a Director in my company. I thought of taking out those beautiful expensive pens and use it for signing off all those piles of important documents I had to sign every day. I brought them to work finally but I had a feeling that I was not there yet. I was only a Director after all. I decided to keep them for a better day and place.

The position of Director came with great responsibility. There was one crisis after another to combat everyday. It seemed like swimming in an eternal ocean of crisis. Over a period of time, from darkness, I began to see light at work. All that craziness, all that sleepless nights seemed to pay off and the crisis situation slowly and steadily began to improve. Soon, I was appointed the Vice President. I was over the moon. I thought I was finally in the place I wanted to be. I decided to use my precious pens. Just when I was about to uncap the pen, I received a call to see the President of my company.  I dropped the pen and went to see him immediately. He had a nice long discussion with me about his fabulous vision for the company. I realised that I am not there yet. If I have to somebody, it had to be like him. I thanked fate for the interruption as I felt I would not have been able to forgive myself if I wrote with those pens.

In a couple of days time, the President of my company asked me to lead the corporate social responsibility initiatives in the company. I took a lot of personal interest in it and from a company's mission, it became my own. I began putting a lot of my personal time into it. I was happy to make a lot of difference to the society. This was recognized by my country as well and I received one of the highest honours in the country. I made appearances on some small newspapers and some corners of big newspapers. I thought, now I am definitely somebody. I wanted to write with those pens. As the thought of the pens crossed my mind, I received a call from the President of the company. There was an emergency meeting scheduled at his office.

I rushed to his office. I found him and the board of directors sitting across the table. They broke the news to me- the President had decided to step down due to personal reasons and had nominated me as his successor. The board of directors seemed to agree with him. I was thankful of the divine intervention yet again. Now was my chance to be somebody finally.

Within 6 months, I was appointed as the company President. How thrilled I was!!! I became the cover of most of the popular business magazines and made it to the front pages of several newspapers. I was called to talk at various forums with my counterparts. Media covered all my major life events. My opinion seemed to matter to the world. I was convinced that I was somebody now. My new sectretary was up to date and with great foresight. He had bigger ambitions for me. He told me of a big Government project was coming along and if our company was able to bag it, I will go down in the history books. I decided to wait a bit longer before I used my pens as I was not there yet.

My company bagged the project today after years of negotiations and discussions with the Government. Funny thing is, I retired yesterday, at the ripe age of 60 yesterday. Today, I am nobody, I am living the life of a 'former'. This "nobody", decided to use those precious pens. I opened the box of pens after several  years today. To my disappointment, the inner segments of the pens had rusted and could not be used any more. I think, it is probably because I am not somebody yet. I am not there yet!!!!